THE PLATFORM OF THE DRUNKEN SEVERED HEAD
(Of course I have a platform. I have to rest on something!)
PLEDGE NUMBER ONE: Obey your thirst!
Anyone whom I meet with a copy of the image below printed out will get a free beer and Skittles from me. (I'll be at various cons, so yez gotta a decent chance at a freebie!) Who says life can't be skittles and beer?
PLEDGE NUMBER TWO: What the hell?
My friends, if you vote for me, I will endeavor every week to make TDSH the most irrelevant site in the blogosphere! No one else has the courage to make this promise. But, full of strong drink*, I can boldly go where sober minds dare not tread!
PLEDGE NUMBER THREE: Schadenfreude is fun!
If I get honorable mention or runner-up status-- no one in his/her right mind would expect me to actually WIN-- anyone who leaves a comment saying that they voted for me will get to choose a substance to be poured on the drunken severed head, which will be photographed and posted here. Substances must be relatively cheap, commonly available, legal-to-possess, and non-toxic or corrosive. OR, a drawing/slogan of your choice not X-rated will be placed anywhere on my noggin.
Here's an example :
WILL Tim Lucas of Video Watchblog do this for his readers, should he win? No, my fellow nets
of the Internut-- he lacks the cojones! (As a severed head, I speak metaphorically, of course.) All he has is talent and intelligence. Same with gifted film director Joe "Benny Hinn" Dante of Trailers from Hell. Will he allow his hair to be coated with unusual substances (other than Aqua-Net), to reward and delight his supporters, hmmm? I'm sure we all know the answer to that question. A big nope.So vote for me by midnight, March 8, here. It's the silliest choice you can make!
* Where does the liquor I consume go, you ask? West Potrzebie province in Lower Blovatia.
This EXACT manner of pandering worked for Abraham Lincoln, so it should work for you, Max.
ReplyDeleteIf you get ONE vote, I'll demand a recount!
ReplyDeleteFor Gort's sake, your blog takes forever to load! Some of us poor b-film nuts can barely afford dial-up as it is!
ReplyDeleteThat said (take a hint, Max), if I'd not already voted eons ago, I'd definitely cast a vote (or a butterly net) in your direction, if only to send a message to those certain serious OTHER blogmeisters that scholarly/pretentious blogging about bad old genre films is just plain boring!
MAX TO THE MAX! STAY SILLY! EXCELSIOR!
Ah, abuse. It soothes my soul...
ReplyDelete(Raspberries to Rozum and Pierre-- you need more fruit in yer diet!)
Dear Anonymous-- thank you for the kind words, even if I don't know who da heck you are! (I know you're in or near Phoenix, but dat's it! WHO are ya, anyway!)
Slapsie Maxie: Just a stranger who wandered into your bloggy website, dat's all. Happens sometimes on the WWW, y'know. Appreciate the good humor and silliness and may return at random to see what fresh insanity has emerged. Too many fans are too f***ing scholarly (zzzzzz) about this "Moonstare Keed" stuff. You are a breath of fresh air (even if YOU, being a severed head, cannot breathe at all)!
ReplyDeleteSure glad you stumbled onto this blog! (Have you been drinking, too?)
ReplyDeleteNo drinky lately, but my head has been severed more than a few times in the past...oops, having another 60s flashback as we speak!
ReplyDelete