Above: The crowd at the Party of One debate. Photo by CC_Chapman (Flickr)Campaign news update: The following is a transcript of the one-man candidate debate that occurred earlier today with Max the Drunken Severed Head.
Despite the single candidate, their was suspense in the air, said many in the audience. The candidate was obviously tense, and beside himself.
No one had spoken about who would speak first, and this led to a rocky start to the debate.
*********************************
Max TDSH: So, who's going first with an opening statement?
Max TDSH: That'd be me.
Max TDSH: Like hell!
Max TDSH: Alright, alright. I'll flip a coin with my nose. Call it.
Max TDSH: Heads!
Max TDSH: That figures...Tails! You lose, loser!
Max TDSH: Oh, shut up.
Max TDSH: Well, I might, just to leave you speechless!
Max TDSH: Look, I just want to talk about my plan to create 200,000 new bartending jobs in this country, so if you can stop being a dope--
Max TDSH: Now, now, be civil--
Max TDSH: Yeah! Civil!
Max TDSH: I thought he was talking to you!
Max TDSH: Hunh?
Max TDSH: As in civil liberties? As in THE ACLU? You a card-carrying member?
Max TDSH: What are you insinuating?
Max TDSH: Only that "the Head"... is RED!
Max TDSH: I've always been a redhead, yes. But--
Max TDSH: Typical godless lefty. I'll bet you'd bump fists with Madeleine Murray O'Hare, if you had one!
Max TDSH: Have you been drinking?
Max TDSH: So, Madeleine your type?
Max TDSH: She's dead!
Max TDSH: So that's what you're into?
Max TDSH: You oughtta know!
Max TDSH: I'd bite your nose off, if it didn't hurt so much!
Max TDSH: Oh, go spite your face.
Max TDSH: Gentlemen, GENTLEMEN!
Max TDSH: Gentlemen? What, you gotta a mouse in your pocket?
************************************************
At this point the debate came to an unexpectedly premature end when Max TDSH, wobbly with agitation and who-know-what chemical influences, fell off the podium, which brought the crowd of onlookers to their feet, cheering.
"Oh, go spite your face."
ReplyDeleteBrilliant!