O happy day!

Well, it's a historic day here in the United States of America. I watched the inauguration of President Obama, as did millions of others. But as a fellow candidate for President last year, I could not help but feel wistful. IT SHOULDA BEEN ME!

I mean, how cool would it have been to have a talking severed head and a brain in a jar sworn in as President and Vice-President? Even if I weren't sober during the swearing-in, I couldn't have messed up the oath of office more than the President and Chief Justice did. And think of the potential for fun if I was given the oath: "Raise your right eyebrow and repeat after me...".

And how many of the others candidates would have entertained the gathered crowd with his impersonation of Dudley Moore from Arthur? Not damn many, I bet. Okay, only me! ONLY I WOULD HAVE DARED TO GO THERE! And isn't boldness what America needs now?

I coulda beena contenda!

Excuse me, I need to go cry in my beer now...