Required reading!

Did you ever own a copy of the magazine FAMOUS MONSTERS OF FILMLAND, which debuted 50 years ago this week?

If you did, then you MUST read the entry "You Asked For It!" at the VIDEO WATCHBLOG page that I've linked to below, or I'll never speak to you:

You Axed For It!

Some readers have rewarded me...

...I think!

In honor of this blog's anniversary, various friends sent me poetry and droll anecdotes. (Okay, one friend sent two limericks he made up, and another friend sent a "blog anniversary joke" about a pirate, evidently because I remind her of the infamous outlaws of the high seas.) I am gratified by this immense outpouring of affection-- serves as a fine excuse for me to drink early!

Here's the limericks from friend Packy Paul:

What the Severed Head says - worth repeating.
Twelve months to the day - happy reading!
But the drunkenness part
Gave a dubious start
To his speech at the last A.A. meeting!

**********

One day ol' Max made a mistake
Fell asleep in a pan meant to bake
Later on they pretended
All along t'was intended
Max should EAT his way out of the cake!

(Paul-- wanting to see ME pop out of a cake-- instead of a stripper-- is a serious sign of mental maladjustment. Please get help soon.)

Now, as the big finish to this post, I present friend Linda's blog anniversary joke:

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to the front of his trousers. The bartender says to the pirate, "Hey, you have a steering wheel on the front of your trousers!" And the pirate says, "Arrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"

Thanks to these fiends

When I wrote yesterday's post, I was rather sleepy from all the celebrating I'd been doing, and stupidly forgot to say thanks to all the people who have assisted me with this blog, or contributed to it, or were especially encouraging. I am very grateful to this passel of positive people:
Richard Olson
Ted Newsom
Jane Considine
Jim Bertges
Linda Miller
Mark Redfield
Conor Timmis
Don Glut
Raymond Castile
John Cozzoli
John Rozum
Terry Ingram
Pierre Fournier
Michael Foley
Tim and Donna Lucas
T. J. Thorne

Everyone of them is a beautiful person inside (some even outside!) and I blow air kisses to all of them.

You're probably thinking, Is that all they're gonna get, you cheap bastard? No, no. I have something much more substantial to bestow on my benefactors. Every one them gets this:

It's "The Macabre Masque of Distinguished Service", a medal previously used to honor member service to the internet forum Universal Monster Army. Being a moderator there, I've got a ton of 'em layin' around-- I might as well use 'em. So in addition to my thanks and this medal, all the people above who aren't already in the UMA become honorary members! Congratulations!

These medals not only will look great on a lapel or pinned to one's face (that's how I like to wear mine when I pretend I've done something good for the UMA), they're also an inexpensive high! Being made in China from cheap plastic, the fumes are overpowering and cause mild euphoria and weak hallucinations. What fun!

Post script: Oops! I forgot that the FTC sent me a letter ordering me not to distribute these medals. Sorry about that! Well, enjoy the photo of the thing, my friends!

This blog is ONE YEAR OLD!!

Yes, it doesn't seem possible, but this blog is ONE YEAR OLD TODAY!!! (Who knew that Blogger would allow this mess to continue so long?!!) Old enough to be moldy!

Of course my dear wife Jane (the Voodoo Queen) and I celebrated the occasion in high style. We went out to a local Polynesian bar and grill called The Stinky Tiki. The waitress below brought us a very large flaming cocktail called a Mystery. (I think it's called that because after you have one, you're clueless.)


Once we awoke and went back home, Jane and I kept toasting the occasion:


As Homer Simpson might say, "Mmmmmmmm. Alcohol."

But, knowing I had a post to make, I limited my drinks to a reasonable number-- any number below pi squared. (Too much drinking and I become an irrational number.)

In its first year, the blog is nominated for the prestigious Rondo Award! That is an honor I did not expect. I certainly don't expect to win, but I do hope to get more votes than Ralph Nader does in the November general election! (That shouldn't be too hard.)

To be reeeeeally honest, I'm happy and psyched to be nominated, but if I got enough votes to make "honorable mention" (which is, like, fourth place), I'd be sublimely ecstatic! (Hey, I gotta have enough votes to place, so I can drink at least 4 toasts after the announcement of the winners.)

Vote here by midnight March 8. Or write David Colton and change your vote. (You can until the deadline, hee hee!) And while you're at it, consider writing in Terry Ingram for "Monster Kid of the Year" and Ben Chapman for Monster Kid Hall of Fame.

LUMP IN MY THROAT DEPT.: In a year's time, this blog's had hits from the following countries-- Argentina, Australia, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, Chile, Cyprus, England, France, Germany, India, Indonesia, Italy, Iran (a major surprise), Iraq, Ireland, Japan, Kuwait, Mexico, the Netherlands, Nicaragua, Norway, Pakistan, the Phillipines, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Saudi Arabia, Singapore, Slovenia, Spain, Sweden, Thailand, and Turkey.

Wow.

I'm also happy to know that people like to goof off at work by visiting my blog. I've had hits from the offices of several blue-chip companies: businesses like Dow Chemical, General Electric, Federal Express, and others. Government workers, too-- many hits have come from various municipal and state governments (a shout out to whoever works in the state government of Nebraska who regularly checks this blog), as well as NASA, and the Office of the Securities and Exchange Commission! The Ivy League schools, too, have people dumb enough to read my junk: I've had several hits from both Harvard and Princeton.

Wowee wow!

Also impressive (to me, anyway) is the fact that the reading level of this blog went from junior high level to high school level, according to The Blog Readability Test. (It's a website where you plug in a URL and the site you submit is analyzed for the reading level necessary to comprehend the average post.) Incredibly-- I've caught up with the intelligent and famous site Video Watchdog (www.videowatchdog.com)! (Gotta question TBRT's reliability if they put me on the same level as VW! Must be a fluke.) Especially as everyone knows my humor is, at best, junior high level-- and I'm proud of it!

Was very surprised that Tim Lucas' Rondo-nominated Video Watchblog wasn't rated at least at college level. But my friend Pierre over at Frankensteinia should be happy-- his site's gone from "College Post Graduate" to "Genius" level, according to TRBT. Congrats, Pierre! (Me like your blog! It goood!) Both Frankensteinia and Video Watchblog are nominated for Best Website or Blog, and I won't be surprised if either win; both are excellent.

Hey, even if me no write good, people come for the visuals. I've gotten hits by the hundreds (maybe higher-- this first year has seen over 13,000 hits) for the topless picture of model and Cindy Pucci that was featured in this post:

Don Glut, noble patron

The second most frequently seen post at this blog is this one showcasing the pictures of artist Linda Miller:

The art of Universal Monster Army's LINDA MILLER

Both posts feature impressive women! (I like my readers taste.) Perhaps I should get Linda to paint a 3-D Cindy Pucci portrait and REALLY drive up my hits!

Thank you to everyone who has ever looked at this blog. Gratitude-and-a-half to everyone who has ever posted here! Platinum gratitude to anyone who's ever linked here!

How Monsters and Golf Made My Valentine's Day

The Voodoo Queen and I have been suffering from bronchitis for a month (and I don't even have lungs-- amazing!) For Valentine's Day, tired of listening to ourselves hack (we sound like patients in a TB ward, or a casting call for Camille)-- we decided to get out of the house. So we doped ourselves up with cough syrup and lozenges and went to the local franchise of MONSTER MINI-GOLF, an indoor miniature golf site all done in blacklight. (I've previously mentioned this fairly new miniature golf chain in this post.) It was our first time there. We had fun playing a round of 18 holes and took lotsa pictures-- and thought I'd share them with you.

What? What was the score? Well--if you must know, Jane beat me by one stroke. (There's an obvious joke there, but fill in the gag yourself, or beat it!)

Okay, starting the photo tour (click on photos to enlarge):





We must have come at a bad time, as this employee (below) was obviously dead tired!

(Passing out putters and pencils puts a strain on you after several hours, I guess.)

We passed through the corridor and into the play area, where several teens and parents with little ones were already puttering away:



There was some fun, well-done monster art on the walls:




Jane quickly got into the spirit of things:


As did I...

One customer there asked me my handicap. I said, "I'm a severed head!"

I had told the owner that we would not be taking any pictures with a flash on. Well, accidentally, Jane became a flasher (thank goodness no impressionable children were around!):


Here's more of the decor without my mug showing:






The figures you see in the photos below MOVE!






The final hole is in a clown's mouth:


After playing, I went to the see the upstairs private party rooms. Here's pictures from the passageway to those rooms, and some of the rooms themselves:







While I was checking the fearsomely furnished party rooms, Jane went to play the various video and pinball games in the front area, such as the one below:

But the pinball games weren't her favorite. Here's a part of her description of our evening, from her Live Journal account:

"The best game was called Carn Evil. Basically, you shoot at zombies and circus freaks on the screen with a pump action shotgun, that uses a light for scoring. You have to keep track of your ammo rounds in your peripheral vision, and when they are low, pump the shotgun and shoot some more.

"I LOVED IT! While Max was doing other things, I kept running over and saying 'Okay, gonna go shoot some more zombies!' Which is appropriate, since we live in Pittsburgh.

"All in all, in was a very fun Valentine's outing."

(It was for me as well, but I would have had even more fun if I hadn't had to continually struggle to keep other customers from knocking day-glo golf balls into my mouth!)

While Jane continued to play games, I got to spend some time talking to Gary Lee (pictured below) who, along with his wife Sally Lee, owns the local Monster Mini-Golf franchise. (It's located in Monroeville, a Pittsburgh suburb). He was a very affable, easy-going sort. After a career in the automotive industry, he and Sally set up this franchise, and he's very happy with his new business. He told me he's been pleasantly surprised with both the success of the franchise and the fact that "I've never had to throw anyone out!" (Fortunately for Mr. Lee, I was a sober severed head that night, or he might have had to toss someone out for the first time!) Teenagers who might get rowdy don't, he said, because they are usually there in couples and on a date, and the business closes by 10:00 p.m..

While Jane and I were there, we saw teenagers and parents with smaller kids. On weekends, there's young DJs who have trivia contests and other activities, and the music is kicked up several notches ("No Top 40", I was told-- on the night we went Jane and I heard mostly '80s music.)

Mr. Lee also related that only three pieces of the three dimensional decor are the same at every Monster Mini-Golf franchise, (something different to see at each location) and that local artists are chosen to paint the walls with whatever theme the local franchise owner(s) choose. (They all do have black walls and blacklight lighting.) As cars were his past business, and because Pittsburgh has many bridges and tunnels, these three elements make up much of the Monroeville location decor. Mr. Lee seemed very pleased with the independence he and his wife have as franchise operators, and certainly the successful results show he and his wife have made good choices.

The Voodoo Queen and I recommend you get to a local franchise and play a round!

Links:

Times, directions, and phone number for the Monroeville location can be found here.

The national webpage for Monster Mini-Golf is located here.

Goodbye to the Gillman...

Yesterday the sad news came that Ben Chapman died at age 79. He was the man who played the Creature from the Black Lagoon in the first film of the series.

The outpouring of grief over the internet has been amazing. People are saying that the news brought them to tears. Mr. Chapman frequently attended conventions and saw so many fans over the years that people felt they got to know him, and universally the opinion of Ben Chapman is a glowing one. I met Ben Chapman a couple of times at the Monster Bash convention here in Pittsburgh, and always found him cheerful, gracious and just a down-to-Earth guy.

He often would dine or have a drink with fans. Once at the Bash, when I saw him drinking alone, I invited him to join a group of us in the Universal Monster Army having drinks. This time, he politely declined, saying that he preferred to be near the entrance and watch people. And that is what he did-- and he seemed to be enjoying viewing the panoply of chattering people in front of him. (He may have been amused to see all the people who would glance his way, then turn back smiling to see "The Creature" in the bar with them, nodding in his direction.)

His appearance at the last Monster Bash was cut short by illness, and he was genuinely sorry that he had miss seeing his friends and fans.

I'm not sure that I've seen as much emotion for the death of a figure in horror film history since the death of Boris Karloff, who was also a beloved figure.

Chapman is being eulogized as a man generous with his time, friendly, funny, kind to kids, and always at ease with his fame for playing a monster. To see candid, funny photos of Chapman (including photos of his return to the Universal sets where "Creature" was shot) and read anecdotes and remembrances from his friends and fans, visit these message board threads:

Universal Monster Army

Classic Horror Film Board

An extended reminiscence of Chapman can be found at this blog:

The Global Collector

At Ben Chapman's website is this message: "We are going to put up a page of memories from his fans. If you have a memory you would like put on this site, e-mail: kenroar (at) yahoo.com."

http://www.the-reelgillman.com/

Chapman was a resident of Hawaii. The online version of the paper "The Honolulu Advertiser" has an article on his passing:

http://the.honoluluadvertiser.com/article/2008/Feb/22/ln/hawaii802220360.html

Aloha, Ben.