I'm shadowed by the press everywhere I go! But this works to my advantage sometimes. Here's an example--
So I'm in a strip club the other night with Allen's Brain after a hard day of campaigning, enjoying all the sights of den of dancing iniquity. Nothing like plentiful pulchritude* to stimulate the soul and tantalize the flesh (even as little flesh as the Brain and I possess.)
The Brain asked me why I wouldn't look at this one lovely beauty when she'd writhe sexily on a mirrored support beam. It was because I had to see my own ugly pan and neck stump reflected. So I snapped very loudly, "The poles show I'm a head!"
Now today in the local paper the gossip columns are saying I have secret data showing me getting more support than Obama or McCain. Ah, a chance to craft a feeling of inevitability for my campaign!
I just have to visit strip clubs in all the states with large votes in the Electoral College.
For fun, here's a captioned newspaper photo of me the last time I tried to find a polling place while intoxicated:
I did wonder about the smell of the polling place at the time...Still, I was in a heavenly daze for a few short moments, before landing and conking my coconut!
* Look it up after you look up "iniquity."