What the Drunken Severed Head Drinks

I, the Drunken Severed Head, drinks whatever you're having. Friends at this past week's Horror Realm con  kept offering me vodka. Lots of vodkas. This blasted-looking zombie, raised from the dead by spfx makeup legend Tom Savini, told me to try Clique Vodka. (It's Tom's favorite.)

Other friends offered me these: Burnett's Orange Cream Vodka and Crystal Head Vodka, the spirit sold in the best-looking bottle on the market.

Vodka: Potatoes completely perfected! And a far better choice for putting in Jello than canned fruit cocktail.

And it's the main ingredient in the favorite drink of the legendary Bloody Mary! You know, the murderous spirit who can be summoned by chanting her name while looking into a mirror in a darkened room? Here's a video showing what she REALLY does when you call her:

And a funny cartoon about the fatigue of the folkloric ghost can be found here.

Bottoms up!

Angels We Have Heard While High

In a sequel to last year's immensely popular "Do You Hear What I Hear?", the Bowen Beer Bottle has posted a new video of their rendition of "Angels We Have Heard On High":




Related link: "O Christmas Tree" played on beer bottles by the Grolsch Swingtop Philharmonic Orchestra

Drink recipes for the darkest season

"Skull Under Glass" by artist J.J. Jenkins. Image found here.

The following drink recipes may sound like a horror to you, but they will help fortify anyone facing the darkest and coldest days of the year.

Great Gus' Great Pumpkin (Thanks Gus C.!)

1 part Hiram Walker's Pumpkin Liqueur
1 part Fulton's Harvest Pumpkin Pie Cream Liqueur
2 parts vanilla vodka
1 part ginger ale

PDT Restaurant's breakfast-inspired OLD FASHIONED:

2 ounces bacon-infused bourbon
1/4 ounce Grade B maple syrup
2 dashes Angostura bitters
Twist of orange

Strain into chilled glass filled with ice. As a friend said to me, "It's breakfast in a glass!"

For the complete recipe with video, go to the New York Magazine page found here.

Four Loko explained

The name is a variation of "For loco"--because that is who it's for--loco people!

At least it was.

The high-alcohol malt beverage with lotsa caffeine was getting bad press as being unhealthy. (That's one of the biggest sins nowadays.) But Phusion Projects, the manufacturer, has announced it's getting rid of the caffeine in Four Loko, just ahead of the FDA getting ready to curtail commerce in boozy beverages with a buzz.

Seems ineffectual--can't people can just substitute shots of espresso as a chaser with their malt liquor? But it IS crazy to mix stimulants with a depressant, and make people feel they're less blitzed than they really are. Bad for the safety of drivers and bystanders. Also causes more cars crashing into bars! People get hurt! Drinks get spilled! (Shudder.)

Fruity malt liquor with java's jolt--seems a crazy mad potion to me. Positively Jekyllian!

Four Loko was a wacky idea. I think it was a mix of this--
plus this:
and this:
Or maybe it was a combo of these three ingredients:
Bleah!

Whether you're sober or sloshed, straight or stoned, please go the Wacky Packages Online Reference Guide, the site where all the above images came from. It's loaded with info about (and photos of) Wacky Packs, the stickers from the late Sixties into the late Seventies that satirized so many consumer goods! (Happily, the stickers were revived for this decade, and new Wacky Packs are available for people not around the first time they appeared.)

Franken = Dranken

The iPhone has an "autocorrect" feature that sometimes goes awry. Hoo boy, does it ever! Here's a portion of a screen grab from a Huffington Post feature titled "The Funniest Auto Correct Fails".
Frankenstein is a friend of mine (and has taken me out for drinks occasionally), and he thinks this is very funny.

But *I* think it's very sad that someone doesn't know the past tense of "drunk"!

Here's a photo of me and ol' "Drankenstein":

He couldn't hold his liquor, but he sure had a grip on me! (Hey! Wouldn't "He couldn't hold his liquor, but he sure had a grip on me" make a great title for a Taylor Swift song?)

"A dyslexic walks into a bra..."

...is an old joke.

But there is a bar-related bra every red-blooded straight man and lesbian woman, dyslexic or not, might want to walk smack into:

Looking rather like a human hookah, this model is showing off the new bra called "the Wine Rack" that holds a whole bottle of wine and inflates a gal's upper figure up to two cup sizes!

Isn't technology amazing? Although it seems to lack the double frontal nozzles for sharing the wine with a friend, it is still a big step forward in party apparel progress!

Click here to read more about it, and here to order one!

Beer limits lead to a strike

According to recent news reports, limitations on worker's access to free beer while at work has led to a strike at a Danish brewery. Scores of warehouse workers, production employees, and truck drivers are participating in the work stoppage. Read more here.

At last, a revolt everyone can understand! (A certain old Beastie Boys frat-boy anthem is playing in my brain right now.)

What's this post at a blog like this without some monsters and beer illustrations? Here:

Image source here.

Clip art by "Mister Elements." Image source here.

I saved the best for last. Here's an impressive lagersaur by UK artist Andy Council:

Image source here.

The real reason I won a Rondo

Package liquor and the endorsement of dead horror stars: a combination sure to get out the TDSH vote!

(I gotta find this place-- a spirit store with real spirits? Man, I'm THERE!)

Synchro-- what?

A definition from Merriam-Webster's Online: "Synchronicity: the coincidental occurrence of events...that seem related."

So I'm feeling a bit blue and battling insomnia in a house with just me in it, 'cause my Voodoo Queen's still gone to Florida caring for an ill family member -- been nearly two months now. And I start looking over my recent blog posts to see if there's any typos to correct or tweaks to make--yeah, I was REALLY BORED--and I read this quote , "It might be a good idea for you to wear pants." Of course, I laughed, like I did the first time I read it.

And then I went to read old posts I hadn't seen yet at some of my favorite blogs. FIRST thing I hit was this video at the Frog on the Pumpkin:



Which led me to discover THIS, my new VERY FAVORITE VIDEO (Caution-- the lyrics are NSFW!):


It's got everything: Intoxication! Lyrics about a curse! The devil and that ol' demon alcohol! And the mellifluous sounds of accordion, trombone, pennywhistle and Irish war drum!

THEN I read this in an e-mail from a friend--

"As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither. Harold Schlumberg is such a person.


I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired'? Well... I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine, Scotch, and margaritas into urine.

"Harold should be an inspiration to all of us."

See? Synchronicity!

Do You Hear What I Beer?

A carol as played by two-fisted drinkers on bottles of ale:



A festive video for the alcoholiday...

Don't Drink and Sing and Drive!

You could run into Santa and ruin everyone's Christmas!

Here's a "Don't drink and drive" Christmas carol from the satirical mind of Frank Jacobs, who wrote these lyrics for MAD magazine in the 1970s...

"We Three Clods From Omaha Are"
(Sung to the tune of "We Three Kings Of Orient Are")

We three clods from Omaha are
Spending Christmas Eve in a car
Driving, drinking, glasses clinking -
Who needs a lousy bar?

Oh, oh...
Drink to Charlie, drink to Paul
Drink to friends we can't recall
Swerving, speeding,
Signs unheeding -
Drink to anything at all.

We three clods are feeling no pain
Drunk as skunks with booze on the brain
Senses losing, 'til we're cruising
Into a wrong-way lane.

Oh, oh...
Drink to Melvin, drink to Fred
Drink to those two trucks ahead
Headlights flashing
Screeching, crashing -
Drink 'til they pronounce us dead.

Strange shot glasses

For a strange drinking man--er, head--like me, strange bar equipment is essential. That's why I snatched up these '50s-'60s vintage shot glasses, when I found each of them for sale--they're silly and creepy, rather like your humble blog host.

Notice that the eyes on the faces on these glasses FOLLOW you:

Now I need to find a taxidermied moose head that does the same thing, to hang over my bar...

Perfect for my bar!

Found at the Flickr set of "riptheskull" is this picture of a vintage set of highball stirrers:

Tomorrow: My three spooky-kooky vintage shot glasses, each with a face with eyes that follow you!

Countdown Day 30: Unloved candies

If I found the candies in this post in my trick or treat bag, I'd give 'em away-- or maybe save some of them for some dire sugar-jonesin' emergency. Feh!

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages, I give you my most disliked trick-or-treat candies of all time!

Licorice. (The above are licorice "Snaps")

Necco Wafers.

Circus Peanuts.

Candy corn and peanut butter taffy. (Okay, I didn't hate peanut butter taffy, but it was a low priority confectionary acquisition.)



Most hard candies.

Root beer barrels and butterscotch buttons were just barely acceptable. But cinnamon, mint or fruit-flavored hard candies were the LAST candies I ever wanted to get. Hell, gimme gum or frickin' tiny boxes of raisins over those weird-tastin' teeth-rotters!

And fruit flavor "filled" hard candy, leftover from the previous Christmas and handed out by cheap old ladies with smelly hands, was THE worst! Charlie Brown coulda traded me his rocks for 'em! Pooey!

Wait, I take that back. Here's the WORST hard candy:


Horehound candies! BLECCHH!!! The only saving grace of horehound was having it allowed you to say a bad word without getting into trouble, like when you got to say "ass" in a Bible verse or when I could refer to the dams in my hometown region in northern Arkansas, such as the Norfork Lake dam or Bull Shoals lake dam.

And speaking of "naughty words" you could get away with saying, man, I gotta have a cocktail! Must get the taste of this post outta my mouth! Perhaps I'll have a drink known as "a Candy Bar." It does taste just like it's namesake--oh, it's delicious! Here's the recipe, courtesy of the CD Kitchen site:

Candy Bar Cocktail:

Ingredients

1 ounce vodka
1 ounce white creme de cacao
1 ounce dark creme de cacao
2 tablespoons peanut butter
1 teaspoon chocolate syrup
Crushed ice

Directions

Combine all in an old fashioned glass; blend until smooth, strain.

********************************************************************

Image sources of nasty sweets are found here, here, here, and here.

Silent Film Comedy Drunkeness Lives Again

Some genius has taken hilarious mini-mart security video of a drunk guy trying to buy beer and made it even funnier by making it into a silent film-style comedy. Here's the result:



See the original footage here.

Only good for the bottles

The three liquor bottles seen below are the COOLEST liquor bottles ever made, says I.


Photo source HERE.

Ironically, the libations inside 'em are among the worst spirits ever made for human consumption!

The skull bottle on the left once held Crystal Head Vodka, whose taste has been compared to nail polish remover. (Still, it would worth buying just for the bottle.)

Next to the vodka bottle are the two bottles that fit together to hold Jekyll and Hyde liquors, marketed by Anheuser-Busch's subsidiary, Long Tail Libations. As this site describes the two-in-one drink, "Both bottles hold 750 mL, with one clear glass bottle showing the deep-red, 60-proof raspberry-flavored Jekyll, the other revealing the black, 80-proof Hyde, a black molasses-tasting product. When a bartender pours each into a shot glass, Hyde floats on top of Jekyll due to differing product viscosities and the amount of sugar in each." Another site, Liquor Snob, says the Hyde part is "herbal tasting;" the site The Bachelor Guy site similarly describes Hyde as "spicy."

But MOLASSES-tasting? Ooorg!

Both liquors are pretty sweet. Feh. Manischewitz is cheaper.

The Jekyll and Hyde liquors seem to have evolved from fruit-flavored malt liquor shots designed to be added to beer! (Blehhh.) This was test-marketed by Anheuser-Busch in 2006; the following year the harder Jekyll and Hyde liquors came out.

Below is the original art that was designed for the malt liquor; the painting by illustrator Jerome Lagarrigue was adapted for the label of the 2007 Jekyll and Hyde form-fitting bottles:

Image source: Flickr account- Jon Cronin

If you want drink recipes (like a Mary Reilly) that use Jekyll and Hyde, or a Jekyll and Hyde screensaver, go to the official website.

Homer Simpson will pop your cork!

Not very useful for opening Duff beer, this Homer Simpson corkscrew is perfect for the drinking person with a sense of whimsy. Buying one for oneself or a friend, like Homer himself, is a no-brainer.

You can buy one at this site for around $20.

They also feature a Homer Simpson stainless steel hip flask and shot glass set, for the animation fan with a drinking problem and aesthetic pretensions. This is an improvement over standard flasks and shot sets; the steel won't break when dropped by users with a load on or those in the throes of the DTs!

Shane Briant's Worst Nightmares! (Part 2: An Interview)

Shane Briant and his wife Wendy at the Montreal Film Fest.
__________________________________________________________________


Worst Nightmares, by Shane Briant, is a new novel I recommend. (My endorsement is probably HIS worst nightmare! He'll need to keep better company among reviewers if he wants to be taken seriously!) Anyway. Mr. Briant, stuck with having a drunken severed head chattering about his book, graciously gave me an interview. I spoke with him last month by phone, calling him at his home in Australia.

The interview actually happened twice; but the recording device used for the first interview failed to work. So we had to do it again a couple of days later. This is why you'll hear me refer to having talked before with Mr. Briant; please don't think he has the bad judgment to hang out with such as I. He's actually a smart, charming, imaginative man!

Each segment is about twenty minutes. In Part One, Mr. Briant talks about his new book, about his writing process, and working on Dan Curtis' The Picture of Dorian Gray. He does a cool bit of impersonation when reminiscing about two of the people involved, actor Nigel Davenport and producer Dan Curtis.

Part One.

In Part Two, Shane Briant talks about HIS nightmares and phobias, what working at Hammer studios was like, what he likes to drink, Dave Prowse's feet, and shares his impressions of actors Peter Cushing, Cliff Robertson, and others.

Part Two.

In Part Three, Briant remembers Jack Palance, Paul Newman, John Hurt, Quentin Crisp, Lance Henriksen, and director John Huston. He recalls the use of REAL blood on the set of Hammer!

He also riffs on a few "dysfunctional" fans, but told me afterward he considered himself a bit odd, too! He also wrote to say, "I might have been rude when I suggested that some horror fans were....'dysfunctional'. That’s high praise as I see myself like a literary ‘Dexter’."

As an interview subject, he was certainly fun and functional!

Part Three.

Scenes from the novel can be seen at Shane Briant's YouTube channel page, and you can buy Worst Nightmares at any of the seller links on this page.


Shane Briant’s Worst Nightmares website.

Shane Briant’s blog.

You can read more about Shane Briant at the Shane Briant tribute site.

Above, right: Shane Briant as the brain-eating Kaavok in an episode of the series Farscape.

Honors and Awards...

...are on my mind (such as it is).

The first reason for this is the Rondo Awards 2008 ballot, posted late last night. I'm looking forward to voting-- and I made the list of nominations for Best Blog! HOORAY!

But of course now I have no respect for the reward at all. (Still, I WANT YOU! To vote for me!) I gotta get more votes than I did running for President last year!

The second reason is that I'm honored to appear on the prestigious Frankensteinia blog! An interview I did with three actors in the musical play Mary Shelley and Her Frankenstein (which premiered here in Pittsburgh) appears there!

And last, I've been honored with the Premio Dardo (Dart Prize) by Iloz Zoc of Zombos' Closet of Horror. As described at "Tracing the Premio Dardo," it is essentially a "tagging meme, in the form of an award." Blogs are awarded the prize by other bloggers as a recognition of "unique voices and visions," and (as it says at Frankensteinia), in recognition of "cultural, ethical, literary, and personal values transmitted in the form of creative and original writing...that adds value to the Web.

"

Iloz says I do an "excellent job of always being pithy, witty, and keen."

Now I know that he, too, has trouble with sobriety.

(I must buy him a drink some time. And one for Pierre at Frankensteinia. And one for Rondo Hatton.)

The catch with this "Premio Dardo" is, I've gotta pass it on to five more blogs!

More on that tomorrow! I gotta get back to drinking a toast to all the bloggers I might want to send the prize on to. There are so many...

My best rival!

My fellow Americans--

If you absotively, posilutely cannot vote for me-- even while holding your nose--then vote for one of my best friends:


Captain Morgan!

Damn pirates have all the luck in getting staff for their presidentail (oops--Freudian slip) presidential campaigns. What bonnie lassies! Arrrrr!




The picture above came from this article (and an accompanying photo essay) about the candidacy of the most unlikely campaigners for President. Recommended.