A war of D words

The "D words," class, are "dick," and "decadent."

I've never opened a post with a synonym for penis* before, but I was pushed into it.

In my "zombies versus vampires battle" with Melissa Castro of the swooning Edge of Forever blog (over which monster is best), Melissa has tossed out the first dick joke. And one without a punchline, I might add. Let's call it "high concept." (Which really means "low brow," which I suppose is appropriate since she's talking to me.)

I'm surprised she didn't run this cartoon. I guess she's too delicate to do any hard googling. Probably has a case of the vapors whenever she sees a photo of Grandpa Munster. ;)

Melissa is of the opinion that vampires are victorious over zombies in the zeitgeist.

Sigh. Her critical abilities must be headed downhill! And speaking of decline, we have our next "D word" to consider--"decadence." (A favorite word of vampire fans.) According to the dictionary, "decadence" is synonymous with "decline."

If you are in any doubt that the monstrous power of the vampire is in decline, take a look at Exhibits A through D:





Has anyone ever seen Romero-style zombies in candy colors marketed to little kids?

Anyone?

No, I didn't think so. Vampires, you should pardon the expression, are long in the tooth!.

But I have to feel sorry for Ms. Castro. (I just realized that this is a "Cheney vs. Castro" war! OMG, the apt strangeness of that.) Her mental acuity is clearly hampered, and therefore her opinions aren't really a fair target. She keeps referring to me and my blog as "Severed Drunken Head," which indicates a poor memory at the very least. Possibly dain bramage.

Well, I guess she's never noticed that "Melissa" is just "lame sis" rearranged.

Really, can she argue that ANY vampire has rocked it as well as THIS zombie:

Can she show a vampire face as scary as THESE?




The answer is no.

Score: Max and the zombies 3, Melissa and the hemoglobin gulpers 1. (I'll give her "one" just for the ever-lastin' vampiric image of Bela Lugosi, a really cool ghoul.)



* Willie, weiner, schlong, dong, and johnson! (Sounds like a law firm--which we all know are run by bloodsuckers, not flesh eaters!)

**But might as well be!

Hot zombies for a cool reader

TDSH readers The Angry Lurker, Fester, and Meowlissa commented on my most recent post about "WILFs." As always, I'm grateful. So, since Meowlissa said she wished she could see a "ZILF," I thought I'd look around to help her out. Here's the best three images I found:

Image source here.

Image source here.

Original image found here.

This guy is demonstrating a reversible zombie t-shirt that Capcom gave away to promote a Resident Evil video game at the 2009 Comic-Con.

Any other things ya wanna see, kids?

News Flash for the New Year!

The news bulletin that Charles Craig (the newscaster in the original Night of the Living Dead) reads here he had written a few minutes before, after chatting with me for about 20 minutes on a slow morning at the 2010 Horror Realm con. Not only did it amuse me, but he was gracious enough to let me record it. A really nice guy.

Final Lessons of Zombie Fest 2010: Pt. 2

Continued from this post. The other Zombie Fest 2010 posts can be found here, here, here, and here.

Zombies do schtick.
Zombies don't do hairspray.
Zombies know a toy rifle when they see one.
Zombies keep an eye out for friends.
Zombies have no taste when it comes to oldies music.
(At least this zombie construction worker didn't sing.)
Zombies enjoy the wrong part of Vietnamese cuisine.
(Oh, go look it up on Wikipedia. Would it have been better if I'd said East Timor cuisine?)

And the wrong parts of German history:
Boy zombies like to slack.
And why not? They're dead!

Girl zombies like to bow. (They thought a talking severed head was pretty cool.)
I thought the one on the right above needed the blouse neckline of her companion.
Ah! Now that's the ticket!

Okay, one more conclusion left--that I'm saving for the end of the post. But let's look at more photos and crack wise, eh?

Here's a Grimm girl--Little dead Riding Hood!
I have no need to make a "goodies" joke here, because you're already thinking it. (Oh, yes you are.)

This guy's no zombie...
But he's brought one back from darkest...uh, Sweden?
Who's dis clown?
Oh! It's crusty!
And here's Stiffy the Clown from the It's Alive Show. Not sure who the other guy is. Either it's his straight man, or his life partner, Not Straight Man.

Hooray for Captain Spaulding, the supplier of tennis balls to zombies.

His girl can't make up her mind (what's left of it) as to what he best side is.
There's a 'big screw" joke here, but I can't bring myself to make it:
She might hurt me if I did!

When zombies appear, who ya gonna call?
Is this guy a monster fighter just some dude with a homemade self-abuse device? I can't decide.
The Ghostbusters were nowhere to be found when this devil showed up:
Seems he showed up waaay early for Demon Fest--
Wow. Demons can read their watches right through their jacket sleeves! So I guess I should write this: Devils have x-ray vision.

Maybe he can take these folks back with him to Hell:



Except for her. I need a maid.

$5 via PayPal to the best caption for this mime zombie photo. I have to get at least five entries!
The last lesson I learned about zombies from Zombie Fest is this--

No matter who sticks it to them, you can't keep a good zombie down.
That's true no matter what this bloodsucker-centric blog says in posts like this one. Feh.

Zombies rule, if only by force of sheer numbers. (You ever see large hordes of vampires or werewolves? Of course not.)

___________________

Related (and recommended!): This Zombie Fest 2010 Flickr set.

Things I've learned about zombies (Part 2)

As I said before at this previous post, I learned some things about zombies while at Zombie Fest 2010, one of the local events which kicked off the Halloween season here in Pittsburgh. Here's more of some of the things I've learned!

Mutant zombies like to wave.
The arm really did wave back and forth.
Zombies play video games. (Or is this a zombie frat stunt?)
Zombies swim in the ocean.
Zombies like novelties and gag items.
The zombie outbreak has reached the North Pole.
And Hugh Hefner's mansion.
TV artist Bob Ross is a zombie.
Look! He's painted a masterpiece!
Zombies can be either ghouls or boils.
Girl zombies use nail polish, and can't do a thing with their hands until it's dry.
Zombies are messy eaters.
Zombies enter brain-eating contests.
Zombies sometimes need comforting.
Some zombies have no fashion sense.
Some zombie girls learn the importance of basic black, and of matching accessories for achieving a classic look.
Zombies will share their food.
Zombies like piggyback-rides.
Zombies like shoulder rides too, and pats on the back.
And pats on the front.
Zombies suffer accidents at the workplace.
Zombie guitarists suffer "ax"cidents.
Zombies can't read. (Note the upside-down program.) But they do like wearing movie quotes as ironic slogans. (Maybe this zombie was told the t-shirt's words read "Will work for BRAINS!!!!")
Zombies kick ass. Just look at this zombie gal. I REALLY thought she rocked it.
Zombies aren't all dangerous loners. Some zombies value family ties.
Okay, so this zombie is a dangerous loner. Seems the only company he keeps is with spiders!
I think this would be the perfect gal for him:

Well, I THINK that's a gal zombie. Of course, she might already be dating this guy:
They're so alike!

Some "zombies" aren't zombies, only zombie wannabes:
I think the guy on the left, above, is just a guy who got into a fight.

Here's a gal who I think got a cold cream facial mask, then put on a t-shirt to let zombies know she was one of them. Can't fool me! Not a zombie!

Some zombies are neo-steampunk, neo-Goth, or fetishy.
Zombie men marry up:
Sometimes zombies bring their unattached friends to events.
I like zombies.