Monday, November 15, 2010

Final Lessons of Zombie Fest 2010: Pt. 1

This is my first half of my last post (and a BIG one it is!) on what I learned about zombies. (I was at Zombie Fest all day, so I hadta learn something--given enough time, some things seep into my skull and wind up in my brain.)

Zombie Fest 2010 was an artistic event for me--I spent my time drawing conclusions. These are "what I learned"--and they're all in bold and sprinkled through all the Zombie Fest posts. (And what an event--the amount of imagination and talent on display was phenomenal.)

Here's the host of this amazing event, Prof. Emcee Square (Mark Menold), who is the central character on the tv program The It's Alive Show. He's introducing the grrl band The Motor Psychos.

Several bands played, and they were all good. That is, good...
...and crazy! The large crowds likewise went nuts for the music!
There was truly and honestly a zombie Waldo in the crowd when this picture was taken, but I can't find him!

I'm not sure if this gal is a zombie or a Batman fan who wandered into the wrong event:And speaking of wandering into the wrong event, some Boy Scouts briefly were on the scene, and they sure seemed bemused by what they saw:
And I'll bet that they thought the zombies were the funny-looking ones. Hey, isn't it time for a bold-face zombie conclusion? Here:


Zombies aren't too picky about what they chug.
Zombies like checking out boot-tay.
Zombies are mere puppets.
Zombies make for Kodak moments.
(Or Canon or iPhone moments. Whatever.)

Zombies like to get their portraits drawn.

The artist above, Ed Quillen, was the most talented caricaturist there. But these pen-pushers were prettier:
What's that on her back? A practical joke from a disgruntled zombie?
Human meat is gluten free, I believe...Okay, to the lessons I learned.

Willem Dafoe is a zombie.
(Well, I think this zombie looks like Willem Dafoe.)

Fabio and his girlfriend are zombies.
Zombie hate their own guts.
I mean, EAT their own guts.

John Banner is a zombie.
The Minnesota Vikings are zombies.
Of course, the Pittsburgh Pirates are zombies.
Look! This pirate sports a "woody"!

Here's why:
A fine filly be next to 'im! Arr! What a comely wench she be!
She must be a land lubber-- she looks seasick!

Tor Johnson is still a zombie.
Zombies are simply divine.
Old habits die hard.
Zombies like sports...
Contact sports! ("Look, I found a quarter! OWWW!")
Golf is a contact sport, right? Well it is the way zombies play it! They don't yell "fore!"

Speakin' o' sports--a game of "toss and kick the severed head" spontaneously broke out. (Fortunately, not with my severed head!) Honestly! People gathered in a ring to play with a couple of severed heads, as you can see in the photos below. And the best part was, this was not an official event of Zombie Fest. It just happened.
Of course, playing dodgeball with severed heads is fun--until someone gets hurt...
And I mean to tell ya, zombie girls play to win!
There WAS an official zombie footrace. The zombies shuffled slowly but menacingly to the finish line, sometimes stumbling when they bumped into each other:
Zombie girls can glower.
But zombie guys aren't always so nice, either. Here's something else I learned:

Zombie boys dump their girlfriends in a huff.
Actually, it took this zombie guy a whole minute and a huff to dump her.

Zombie brides get left at the altar. (A Satanic altar, possibly.)
Well, not ALL zombie brides.
I think this is the zombie groom who got cold feet. Cold, blue feet.

I don't predict a long marriage for this zombie couple, for obvious reasons:
Zombie brides marry professionals.
(And create blended families, apparently.)

Zombie families stick together. (Ever tried to pull two rotting bodies apart?)
Dat's it fer now. Final batch o' deep thoughts and zombie photos TOMORROW. (Really! I swear! It's almost finished now!)

5 comments:

Melissa Walker ~ Edge of Forever said...

Kickball and sprint races - the Zombies kind of remind me of messy kindergartners on the playground after snack time. Just sayin'. :-)

Liz D-M said...

Wonderful commentary, as always!

Fester said...

Zombie pirate with a wooden ships wheel . . .and . ."its drivin' me nuts!"

(rimshot!)

Max the drunken severed head said...

Liz--Thanks!

Fester, you make me laugh--I've told that "me nuts" joke many times. It's a classic, like you.

Melissa--Hmmm. You comparing zombies to rug rats? I've seen you "Edge of Night" blog and I think you prefer vampires. Vampires are like giant mosquitoes--both suck and have noisy buzz about them. (Well, if you count tweener and teenie online swooning over Robert Pattinson as "buzz.")

Your serve!

Melissa Walker ~ Edge of Forever said...

I'm the first to admit tweenie vampires are enough to make the skin crawl-kind of like zombie breath does. I hate to say it, but Edward Cullen may even be smarter than head-kicking corpses!

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