Celebrate Halloween with Franken-fromage!

I've seen some pretty cheesy Frankenstein items in my time.

And there is concern by some environmentalists about the creation and sale of "Franken-foods."

But this is the cheesiest Franken-food I've ever seen!


From a past issue of Taste of Home magazine comes this picture of a Frankenstein-shaped cheeseball. Perfect for guests who come over to watch Frankenstein Meets The Space Monster.


Below, you can read the recipe for this creepy cheesy comestible by clicking on the photo to enlarge it.


At the Taste of Home website, you can also see their online Halloween articles here, and read Christy Hinrichs' recipe for making "Dracula cookies" here.

Bone appetit!

The Demonic Digital Device

When I was a kid, the magazines CREEPY and EERIE kept the spirit of Hallowe'en burning in me all year 'round. In one of them, I was introduced to the legendary device of dark magic, the hand o' glory.

The hand o' glory was a murderer's severed hand used as a candle, and was alleged to be used by thieves and killers, as it had the power to keep asleep any one inside a home that the user trespassed into. In the magazine story I read as a yoot, a criminal using a hand o' glory intends to steal from a family who have moved into a desolate mansion. But he finds to his surprise that they aren't kept asleep, because they do not live-- they're all vampires, and the criminal becomes their victim!


Never forgot that story.


My Halloween bride Jane the Voodoo Queen owns a 1961 book titled A Treasury Of Witchcraft. In its entry for "Hand of Glory" is this bit of verse:

Wherever that terrible light shall burn,
Vainly the sleeper may toss and turn;
His leaden eyes shall he ne'er unclose
So long as that magical taper glows;
Life and treasure shall he command
Who knoweth the charm of the glorious Hand!

--Ingolsby Legends (Thomas Ingolsby, 1788-1845)


So you can imagine my happiness in seeing see hands o' glory at my local Walgreen's drug store! Of COURSE I bought them!

When burning, these candles drip blood-red wax. What a cool touch.


Here's another Walgreen's Hand O'Glory candle-- this one is even nicer, being the color of mummified flesh.

Above I shared some lines of poetry about a hand o' glory that were written by a Thomas Ingolsby. Seems that the name is variantly spelled Thomas Ingoldsby (both being pen names for a Rev. Richard H. Barham, who lived 1788--1845.) Under the Ingoldsby name I found another whole, long poem by him involving a hand o' glory, and it can be read here. I recommend it, but it's not easy to just skim and enjoy, as it isn't short and it isn't contemporary. But I like it, and especially during in the Hallowe'en season, I am perfectly happy to meet the past and all its traditions on its own terms.


Burglars using a hand o' glory were said to recite a poem when igniting it:

"Let those who rest more deeply sleep;
Let those awake their vigils keep.
O, Hand o' Glory shed thy light,
Direct us to our spoils tonight.
Flash out thy light, O skeleton hand,
And guide the feet of our trusty band."

Hate poetry? Want prose? Well, three short English folk narratives about the use of a hand o' glory can be read here, followed by two more gruesome German narratives of similar objects known as Thieves' Lights.


If you read all the links I've set up for you, you might acquire a taste for more morbid-looking hands of glory. Where can I find them, you ask. If you wish to buy this one,

(and of course you do, as it's a gorgeous piece of craftsmanship), then go to this page of the Miskatonic River Art Studio website, and you'll see it among the other hand-made items offered, or here to find ordering info.


What? You say you're saving all your dough for trick-or-treat candy? Just want to windowshop and see some interesting hands o' glory? Go look up Scotsman Gordon Rutter; the one below is in his collection:


And this one---
is on display at the Whitby Museum in Whitby, England.


Read more about the hellish "hand-le" (hand candle, natch) here.

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This post was originally published in two parts and in slightly different form in 2007.

What the Drunken Severed Head Drinks

I, the Drunken Severed Head, drinks whatever you're having. Friends at this past week's Horror Realm con  kept offering me vodka. Lots of vodkas. This blasted-looking zombie, raised from the dead by spfx makeup legend Tom Savini, told me to try Clique Vodka. (It's Tom's favorite.)

Other friends offered me these: Burnett's Orange Cream Vodka and Crystal Head Vodka, the spirit sold in the best-looking bottle on the market.

Vodka: Potatoes completely perfected! And a far better choice for putting in Jello than canned fruit cocktail.

And it's the main ingredient in the favorite drink of the legendary Bloody Mary! You know, the murderous spirit who can be summoned by chanting her name while looking into a mirror in a darkened room? Here's a video showing what she REALLY does when you call her:

And a funny cartoon about the fatigue of the folkloric ghost can be found here.

Bottoms up!

Improvement!

I found this cartoon by Irving Roir in the 1952 book The Complete Bartender's Joke Book:

I liked it, but a way to improve it occurred to me. Here's the cartoon as I think it ought to be:

 

The hostess of the cocktail party is no longer looking in surprise at a prone drunken guest, but at a headless murder victim pointing his left arm in accusation. Is that really a body? Or is he a ghost appearing suddenly on the floor to confront his killers? Or perhaps the shared hallucination of the hostess and the man she is serving? Their faces betray their feverish consciences; no doubt she is the dead man's wife and the guest is her lover.

Yeah, that's gotta be it.

Oh my god...

Does no one have taste anymore? Look at the banner found here, and you'll be surprised at what people want.

Don't look on a full stomach.

I got no body for "Killer Bodies"!

Like other bloggers, I get freebie offers to review things: books, comics, films, etc. But never have I gotten an offer like the one from Adam and Eve Pictures. Chris (no other name given) of their PR department wrote to say, "I'm excited to introduce you to "Killer Bodies: The Awakening", an interactive, choose-your-own-adventure thriller on DVD." Thirty-two different possible dramatic outcomes were promised.

Here's the dvd cover art:

As you can see, I've censored some of  the photo to keep on Blogger's good side, and--yep--it's a XXX movie! Chris went on to say this thriller would "revolutionize adult entertainment."

I had to laugh--imagine sending a movie designed to make one's naughty parts tingle to a severed head! I had to wonder why they'd approach me, since Lounge of the DSH isn't a porn site--so I guess they love me for my mind. But after warning them I wouldn't post any explicit photos or video, I told 'em to send it.

They did, and I watched it....very closely. It made my brain stiff.

Boy howdy, I've never seen a more fun-lovin', affectionate bunch! The cast of 14 male and female adult stars party like it's 19...no, not '99'--I guess like it's 1969. They play peek-a-boo, and poke-a-boo, and pin the tail on the--well, not a donkey, but, uh--well, I'll say a horse comes to mind. There were times when I was glad it wasn't in 3-D!

That is, the actors play around when they aren't chasing and shooting each other, (it's a thriller, remember) or subjecting the star to a brainwashing experiment not unlike the main plot device in The Manchurian Candidate. ('Cept it ain't as funny. as that classic.)

Here's star Tori Black showing off her lingual organ--I suspect she's related to Gene Simmons:

Performer Raylene evidently was in charge of party decor--here's a publicity photo where she seems to rubbing balloons on her sweater. (Static electricity will make them stick to the wall for an amusing effect.)

Well, that's the raciest photo I'll run in this post, so I might as well close, eh?

If you want to see more explicit photos or video, or if you want to read reviews (yeah, right), or if you want to actually BUY the movie, you can go to their definitely NSFW site HERE, you old sinner!