No subtext here!

"The Life of the Party" -- is that the chocolate candy or the eye candy?

Every wolf surrounding Ms. Luscious is thinking, "Wanna roll, tootsie?"

Oh, those were the good old days...(eye roll)

Area dentist buys back candy for kids overseas!

From the local CBS affiliate's web site:

Now that Halloween is over, many people do not want candy in their house with good reason.

However, a local dentist is offering a good way to get rid of it and you'll get money for your troubles.

That's where Dr. David Petti comes in. He's buying candy back from people for $1 a pound. The maximum is five pounds, but that's quite a bit of candy.

The rules dictate that you have to be under the age of 18 and have an adult or guardian accompany you to his office in Plum.

The next question is, where is all this candy headed off to?

"We're going to try to send it over to the troops in Afghanistan," Dr. Petti said.

It would be nice to send candy over to soldiers and Marines in Afghanistan, but there's a bigger reason for treating the troops.

The soldiers over there oftentimes give candy to Afghan children and one-by-one it wins hearts and minds.

"That's what they're doing, they're actually handing over only some of their candy to them. I just think it's a good thing. They work pretty hard for us over there," Dr. Petti said.

________________________

To read the rest of this story at the KDKA web site, click here.

Coocoo for a cocoa clipping!

My wife, Jane the Voodoo Queen, gave me a clipping from a recent catalog she received of a, um--well, I'll say interesting candy product for sale. I scanned it for you:

You see the "interesting" part? No? Here, I'll circle it:


That's right. Fifteen dollars for approximately the same amount as four-and-a-half regular chocolate bars. But that's because of it's special ingredient: positive energy (or "intention" as it says on the front label) from Tibetan monks! Well, that's a bargain! It won't repel Chinese soldiers, but it'll make your chocolate better, somehow!


UPDATE: TDSH has been contacted by food inspectors, who report that the latest batch of Intentional Chocolate is subject to a voluntary recall. Several customers have complained of having their mellow harshed after eating the metaphysically-infused candy. It is believed that uncontained bad vibes from some disgruntled employees at the packing plant contaminated several lots. Bummer!

If you have bought any of this chocolate since Jan. 2, 2010, you may get a refund by calling 1-800-555-HAHAHA.

Personally, I've always preferred Cadsburied, the haunted dark chocolate bar.

Worst Masks Ever!

The subject line might be misleading--I mean "worst" not in terms of design, but in terms of construction and practicality.

From 2006 through 2008, full-size candy masks were sold in many outlets around the country. Seems like a cool idea, but hell, you couldn't hold 'em against your face long, and once you did wear them and get them sweaty, you wouldn't want to eat them! And they're huge--take you a week to eat 'em, and by then mold spores or ants have gotten to 'em anyway. Yikes!




Just as bad as candy masks are sticker masks. Here are pics of some Jane and I found of this really bad idea for Halloween disguise:

No, they won't wrinkle, sag and look bad in ten minutes, or itch in five. Of course not. How could I think such a thing?

A precursor to those dumb paper sticker masks are starched cheesecloth masks. They've been around since at least the 1930s, and possibly earlier. My older brother and father remember wearing them, and how soggy your exhaled breath got them. Of course, by the end of trick-or-treating, you had a sort of melted look on your puss.

Here's an example in remarkable shape after many decades, proving it got little use:

Of course, during the Depression and until the Fifties, modern plastics were not available. Perhaps more durable in use were cardboard masks like these old Depression-era devils:


But the very worst mask idea is a kind you see, rarely, on adults--the permanent kind:


I suppose, if you want to become one with your "mask", to change your mundane life's role into one more like the one in your head, the one you wished been born into, it's the best mask. But talk about a mask that'll get distorted, wrinkled, and saggy! And if you find a different mask you want to become one with later, that's too bad.

These guys shoulda learned how to put on makeup.

___________________________________________________
Thanks to Bobby Beeman for some of the candy mask pics.

Image source for demon lollipop mask: Flickr account of RhiaP

Image source for face tattoos found here.

Image sources for Lollipop Masks are here and here.

Gauze mask images found on eBay.

Countdown Day 30: Unloved candies

If I found the candies in this post in my trick or treat bag, I'd give 'em away-- or maybe save some of them for some dire sugar-jonesin' emergency. Feh!

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages, I give you my most disliked trick-or-treat candies of all time!

Licorice. (The above are licorice "Snaps")

Necco Wafers.

Circus Peanuts.

Candy corn and peanut butter taffy. (Okay, I didn't hate peanut butter taffy, but it was a low priority confectionary acquisition.)



Most hard candies.

Root beer barrels and butterscotch buttons were just barely acceptable. But cinnamon, mint or fruit-flavored hard candies were the LAST candies I ever wanted to get. Hell, gimme gum or frickin' tiny boxes of raisins over those weird-tastin' teeth-rotters!

And fruit flavor "filled" hard candy, leftover from the previous Christmas and handed out by cheap old ladies with smelly hands, was THE worst! Charlie Brown coulda traded me his rocks for 'em! Pooey!

Wait, I take that back. Here's the WORST hard candy:


Horehound candies! BLECCHH!!! The only saving grace of horehound was having it allowed you to say a bad word without getting into trouble, like when you got to say "ass" in a Bible verse or when I could refer to the dams in my hometown region in northern Arkansas, such as the Norfork Lake dam or Bull Shoals lake dam.

And speaking of "naughty words" you could get away with saying, man, I gotta have a cocktail! Must get the taste of this post outta my mouth! Perhaps I'll have a drink known as "a Candy Bar." It does taste just like it's namesake--oh, it's delicious! Here's the recipe, courtesy of the CD Kitchen site:

Candy Bar Cocktail:

Ingredients

1 ounce vodka
1 ounce white creme de cacao
1 ounce dark creme de cacao
2 tablespoons peanut butter
1 teaspoon chocolate syrup
Crushed ice

Directions

Combine all in an old fashioned glass; blend until smooth, strain.

********************************************************************

Image sources of nasty sweets are found here, here, here, and here.

Countdown Day 7: Trick-or-treating helps create KILLERS?

Or some recent news might have you think so.

According to a news item at the TIME magazine website, "kids who eat too many treats at a young age risk becoming violent in adulthood."

TIME was being misleading with an oversimplified lead. A British study led by Dr. Simon Moore (who lectures at the Cardiff University School of Dentistry) found a high correlation between daily candy consumption in children and adult violence later: "69% of people who had been convicted of a violent act by age 34 reported eating candy almost every day as youngsters; 42% of people who had not been arrested for violent behavior reported the same."

Don't believe everything you read--even with these eyes:

Gummy candy eyes image source

As an alternative to this depressing news, I suggest reading this fantastic book and visiting this great site.

I wonder--if you had a Halloween junkie like me for a kid, and your kid used the kit seen right to make his/her own candies, eating them often, would that kid be more likely to be violent? It isn't the candy, is it? I think it's the mindless consumption resulting from stress that goes hand in hand with poor impulse control. Like with zombies!

Jane made these Frankie and vampire candies for the dessert party we threw for friends at the Monster Bash con in June. They were easy to make, looked good, and tasted good too. (I really was expecting a cheap synthetic flavor, but no--I was surprised! They tasted good! Oh--I said that already.)

Related:

How well do you know your candy? Take a Halloween candy quiz here.

Learn how to make this black rose candy bouquet--

--at this cool craft site.

This cake's hysterical

I've posted pics of odd cakes before (like here, here, here, and here), but this post at the blog Cake Wrecks takes the cake. She's posted pics of cakes made to commemorate hysterectomies! The most creative design, IMHO, is this one:


Cake Wrecks is a fantastic, funny blog, with photos of vasectomy cakes, Transformers cakes, tree stump cakes, Michael Jackson cakes, and much, much more! Go take a look.You'll spend waaay too much time there!












Since I've mentioned the word "hysterectomy", I'll pass on two really bad, insensitive, surgery-related puns I know, just 'cause I love puns:

What do you call a male-to-female sex change operation? A lopitoffomy!

What do you call a female-to male sex change operation? An adadictomy!

A Milestone!

My Blogger Dashboard says that I've made 666 posts! So I ordered a cake to celebrate! Here, cut a slice:


The albino pollywogs on the outer circle are especially delicious!

Cookies with bite!

At the X-rated Porn Bread site, where naughty baked goods and desserts are on display along with the recipes to make them, I discovered that they have "vampire vagina cookies" as a Halloween offering. Embedded candy corn serves as fangs for the toothy treats. (Best use I can think of for the nasty things.) Other spooky sweets include "Halloweenies" (phallic Jack-o-lantern-- or perhaps 'jack-o-latin'-- cookies) and cupcakes called "Witch's Tits" (good for a cold night, I suppose.)

The idea of a toothed snapper (known scholarly as vagina dentata) has appeared in cultural myths around the globe. Learn more about it here.

Perhaps Poe was haunted by dreams of vagina dentata when he wrote Berenice.

Franken-fromage!

I've seen some pretty cheesy Frankenstein items in my time.

And there is concern by some environmentalists about the creation and sale of "Franken-foods."

But this is the cheesiest Franken-food I've ever seen!


From the October-November issue of Taste of Home magazine comes this picture of a Frankenstein-shaped cheeseball. Perfect for guests who come over to watch Frankenstein Meets
The Space Monster.

Below, you can read the recipe for this creepy cheesy comestible by clicking on the photo to enlarge it.


At the Taste of Home website, you can also see their online Halloween articles here, and read Christy Hinrichs' recipe for making "Dracula cookies" here.

Bone appetit!

31 Days of Halloween: Halloween magazine #1

Below is the one of the earliest Halloween issues of a magazines I can remember owning. With plenty of Halloween graphics and several simple-but-colorful Halloween crafts inside, I treasured it very much.

Click on the images below to enlarge.


A clown dragging a dead witch out of a box -- COOL! And a severed pirate's head, too! WOW!


I was fascinated by craft projects (my paternal grandmother used to like to make stuff found in Pack-O-Fun magazine), and this was at a time when cheap trinkets and holiday decor from Japan looked homemade. I believe someone in my family made the "gorilla" mask above. But no kid I knew was likely to trick-or-treat in a homemade mask when Ben Cooper and Collegeville had slick, garish masks and costumes to dress up in.

I remember making these apple jack-o-lanterns, but hoping I didn't get any in my treat bag. Yeah, miniature marshmallows were great, but they belonged in hot chocolate or in cereal! Apples were okay to eat at other times, but only caramel apples were acceptable as Halloween treats!

More from this issue on Sunday!

Thought of this...

Just realized I had a severed-head-on-a-cake photo that I hadn't used (a family friend sent it not long ago.) Since I've just posted a severed head news item, thought that was enough reason to run it.

Unlike the poor diver of the news item, this pic is of a living severed head...my cousin, actually! He had a bit part in the movie Saw and this photo was taken at the cast party.


Update 09/06/09: Okay, the explanation above is BS. My cousin would never let his picture be taken! This guy just reminds me of him.

This picture actually comes from the blog Multiplayer, an MTV.com blog for gamers "who play everything from 'Halo 3' to 'Desktop Tower Defense.'" The cake above (complete with a posing model on top!) was made for a "grossest cakes bake-off" meant to celebrate the release this year of an M-targeted Halloween horror game called “Dead Space” from Electronic Arts.

The game I'm playing this Halloween is "Jack-O-Lantern"-- I get lit and wind up smashed in the driveway!

Divorce Cakes!

Previously, I've shared pics of ghoulish and gory cakes for Halloween. Now, I can share pictures of cakes suitable for a messy, violent divorce, thanks to a friend who forwarded them on to me! Bon appetit to all unhappy, squabbling couples out there!

Related links:

http://www.thestar.com/living/article/448433

http://www.koaa.com/wacky_stories/x471791333/Bakery-niche-Divorce-Cakes

The Erotic Baker (x-rated cakes)

Worst Hallowe'en items seen this year!

Nothing conjures up the traditions of All Hallow's Eve like handcuffs for small children...


Unless it's a Jock-o-lantern!


Or a black cat that poops brown jellybeans...


But don't think badly of me because I dislike some toys. Even some toys don't like certain other toys:

Hallowe'en Frankensteins, Part 2

(A bit of the text below comes from a post I made at The Classic Horror Film Board. If you have seen it before , I bug your indelgence.)

Back in the ancient days known as the 1960s, The Universal-style Monster was still an ugly brute, with a visage terrible to behold. That was back in the days when the Universal films were still watched by kids on TV, and in Hallowe'en theater screenings. Of course, he was usually depicted in mass merchandise as being green, just as he had on lobby cards and posters since the days of Universal's initial release of FRANKENSTEIN in 1931. Here's a green 1960s Ben Cooper Frankie mask and costume:

Note that the design of the mask is based on test makeup for the 1931 film and not the final design. Not a common choice in Hallowe'en merchandise.

Here are two pics of rubber masks of the mad scientist's creation from the last two Hallowe'en seasons. The first was found at Walgreen's, the second at Target, which usually has a large and varied supply of items for celebrating Hallowe'en:

The second is better than the first, but the Ben Cooper mask, though aimed at a younger customer in the monster crazed 1960s, is still the best design.

Here's a rare non-green classic Monster, from Hallowe'en decor sold last year:

(He's a contortionist!)

Presenting three toy monsters of recent years who are capable of animation. Mwah ha ha ha ha!! Because of the bland face, the last one IS the least-- despite having eyes that become demonically alight :
That last Frankie fought Sly Stallone in one of the endless ROCKY series, I believe.

Here's a 2004 Bellywasher bottle with a Frankie head that seems more inspired by the film THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW than FRANKENSTEIN.

Another current sappy Monster, though one that seems friendly, if simple-minded:

More designs of vacancy, insipidity and impotency ( though they're not all entirely without cheap charm):
The Monster head above is thinking: "Does this pencil make me look fat?"

Strictly for iddle-biddy kiddies:

The artists at candy companies do seem to do better with The Monster:

Now that's a strong and fearsome monster face!

It has been said that The Monster is often depicted as green because it is the color of illness, and of the decay that comes after death. That's part of the explanation; I think it's also because it's the color of many cold-blooded species of animals, creatures we find harder to embrace as cuddly, noble, or cute. They are more frightening and alien to us.

But why is the Universal-style Frankenstein Monster so ubiquitous (I paid twenty dollars for that word) after all these decades?

I think the design is iconic because it resembles the square lines of something mechanical, robotic.

It's a nod to machine design and the increased cultural interest in technological wonders.It's a design that makes no sense medically-- which just indicates (especially to the audiences of the 1930s) that it must be VERY advanced. It is non-rational; it is practically a parody of rational design. It hints of something yet to come. (Today we might call it "cyborg-like".) The exposed metal rod in the arm, the electrodes-- they hint at a creature not just corpse-like and brutish, as in the images of the novel, illustrations and plays, but something new and different. Yet that single, hairless brow ridge does convey something atavistic too, even though it is nothing like the brow of our hominid ancestors, except for prominence.

A brilliant mash-up of ideas, it is an enduring, nightmarish design.

The Monster lives eternal!