Reader Pierre Fournier wants some "quality squat" posted. Well, would a few pictures of some of the crap I'm going to have to move count? Here's an infinitesimal portion of the contents:

Frankenstein crap:

A bookcase of Frankenstein memorabilia

Christmas crap:

A 1960s cheap Xmas stocking with two monster clip-toys added on


Quality Monster Non-Crap made by friends:

Monster Placemats



More to show in future posts.

I'm sorry!

Haven't posted squat in a week, and won't be able to post much for the next few days. Trying to get Casa Cabeza fixed up before we move in, and am also planning with the Voodoo Queen how much of our much-too-large collection o' creepy crap to move in, and how best to display it all.

We want to go for a Sixties-modern-home-crossed-with-a-carnival-haunted-house feel.

Doesn't every new home owner?

I think mine is!

How to tell if your boss is a zombie.

The Blue Fairy would retch...

In my last post about this year's Zombie Fest was a photo with my completely bare face hanging out. This was too much for reader Gustav of Pig Whistle, W. Virginia, who complained, "Seeing your face more naked than ever before made me more determined to never to look at your blog before breakfast." He added, "Why would you uncover it by shaving?"

The answer is simple, Gustav-- I became a real boy! Well, sort of. For a Halloween event that same weekend I'd strapped on the ol' prosthetic body and went in costume as Pinnochio. I hope you've had breakfast, because here's a picture of me as Geppetto's creation:

And Pinnochio wearing a Van Dyke on his face just wouldn't cut it. But not to worry-- I'm all hairy in the chin and mouth area once more!

Zombie Fest 2008 (Now with more photos!)

Last month, Pittsburgh's annual Zombie Fest was held for the first time at the Monroeville Mall, the site where much of the shooting for the original Dawn of the Dead was done.

Due to problems with a camera, I wasn't able to upload pictures I took at the event until just recently. But here they are, combined with some supplied by generous friend Meg!

The drunken severed head, attached to his prosthetic body, gets a grip-- from Prof. Emcee Square, the suave zombie host and organizer of Zombie Fest!


Fest guest Dr. Kim Paffenroth, author of Dying to Live and Gospel of the Living Dead and fellow LOTT D blogger , talked with me over breakfast-- and never once made an attempt to get at my brain! But I did try to get into his head-- How many people does one get to meet in a lifetime who are both authors of zombie literature AND theologians? He was an interesting, clever conversationalist-- and we were both sober!

Cool music was part of the Fest, as it has been in past years.

The Legendary Hucklebucks got their mojo workin' as they performed some great psychobilly!

And speaking of hard-charging rockers, GENE SIMMONS of freakin' KISS was there enjoying the events!

Here's a drunken zombie! Just what I aspire to be.

A nerd zombie!


The drunken zombie found friends...


MANY of them! (Over 1300! A world record!)


The drunken zombie smells my brain (it is, after all, marinated in fine distilled spirits) and comes after me!

Zombie students! (I had some of them, years ago, when I taught high school!)



Zombie Fest-- always a great event for all ages!

UPDATE: Here's MORE groovy and grisly photos, graciously and generously sent by Angela Rocco of the Zombie Fest staff:

First comes love--


Then comes marriage--


Then comes the baby escaped from it's carriage!


It's important to instill proper brain-eating habits in children--


Lest they become finicky teenagers:



My running mate from last year's presidential campaign:



As Romero might have predicted, the "con" in "zombie con" stands for "consumerism"




Link: Zombie Fest 2007

Do the trucks smell?

A. Duie Pyle
Originally uploaded by tnorm11

I live in Pennsylvania. Having only moved to this region of the country only few years ago, I'd never heard of this shipping company, which was started here in PA.

Having walked though cattle pastures as a kid, I thought the name was pretty funny.

Unfortunate switchplate art

Riff on a classic comic strip

Adam G at Cool-Mo-Dee-- a blog I recommend-- posted a classic Peanuts strip this week. It was part of his sharing the news that United Features Syndicate has put online their entire comic archive for free. This includes a 50 year archive of Peanuts strips.

This summer I was sent an satirical version of the exact same Peanuts daily. It's how Schulz' creation might be if written for today, say for an alternative weekly. It made me laugh.

I've posted it down far enough that you'll have to scroll down to see it, 'cause it ain't meant for young children to read:

OBAMA CONCEDES

...that he can't remember ever meeting me.

When I tried to reach Sen. Obama on his win, I got an aide who told me "Forget you ever met Sen. Obama. The President-elect has! He cannot recall ever meeting you, and who's gonna believe the claim of a living severed head, anyway?" Then he blew me a raspberry and hung up.

(Sen. Obama also previously conceded that I was very last person he thought would present any challenge to him. He said that the night we went drinking together.)

Well, I tried to congratulate our next president. But I still wish him the best.

It is hard to admit defeat. O, it hurts! So I'll simply quote Democrat Dick Tuck (that would have been the perfect name for a tranny!), when he lost a California state senate primary in 1964: "The people have spoken-- the bastards!" (I could be a gracious loser, but being a sorehead about it means I'm more likely to drink. Anything to increase the odds!)

Allen's Brain and I always had an uphill climb to make to win the election, and neither of us is particularly good at rolling any direction but sideways or down. (And we have to be pushed to even accomplish that.)

I want to thank my running-mate, the semi-nameless living lump of diabolical gray matter known as "Allen's Brain." Your lack of ethics made me realize I don't seem so bad in comparison. And you worked tirelessly* on the campaign trail; intimidating our less-than-enormous group of supporters into being on our side was difficult. (Dominance by mental telepathy can hard work.) You'll be getting those puppies you wanted...to feed to your atomic lizard men.

I also want to thank my grandmother, who always said to me, "Max, always believe in yourself. Even though you have no good reason to, far as I can tell." She always pushed me to try new things and to take risks, like drinking household cleansers and playing with matches. God bless 'er. Her insurance money made me what I am today.

Finally, for the reporters who covered-- and criticized-- our campaign, I can only say, "You won't have Max the Drunken Severed Head to kick around anymore. (Unless you really need me for a soccer game and keep me supplied with Scotch and soda.) Goodbye."

Chtulhu bless America!





*And why would a brain need tires, anyway?

Thanks to Pierre Fournier!

For my fantastic new banner! Visit Pierre's astounding sites, Frankensteinia and Monster Crazy.

(And I've got another one from another generous friend, soon to appear!)

My best rival!

My fellow Americans--

If you absotively, posilutely cannot vote for me-- even while holding your nose--then vote for one of my best friends:


Captain Morgan!

Damn pirates have all the luck in getting staff for their presidentail (oops--Freudian slip) presidential campaigns. What bonnie lassies! Arrrrr!




The picture above came from this article (and an accompanying photo essay) about the candidacy of the most unlikely campaigners for President. Recommended.

It's Election Day!

At least it is here in the US of A.

Here at Max the Drunken Severed Head/Allen's Brain headquarters (above) we're discussing the polls. They all seem to show we're trailing Obama and McCain by a gi-normous margin. But I don't believe we're going to eat electoral dust. No! I believe we can come from behind!

What? --Sorry, blog readers-- Allen's Brain is next to me saying, "You came from a behind!" (Never give alcohol to a rogue VP candidate who is prone to going off-message.)

But I'm putting on my best face (I saved 50% on it at a post-Halloween sale) as I'm in this race to win!

So back to work manning the phones. I may call you. I'm trying to reach out to every typical Max TDSH voter (and I hope such a voter typically looks like this):


Now, to amuse you, the great erectorate, I present some political images and video that's funny and/or weird.

First, the best bumper stickers and buttons of the campaign (other than my own):






And the most wacky video:

Unbelieveable Halloween Scrooge!

Politics turns some people mean. Get a load of this lady (I use the term advisedly-- I know more appropriate names for her!):

Write to "Uncle Forry"!

Do it now! Forrest Ackerman, the first and longest-serving editor of Famous Monsters of Filmland magazine, who taught young Baby Boomers and generations after the Boomers about classic films of horror, fantasy and sci-fi, and did it all with word-play and puns, has been battling pneumonia.

His friend, playwright and film scholar Terry Pace reports, "Earlier in the day [Halloween], Uncle Forry returned from a one-day stay in the hospital (his life, his choice ... and one that we must respect). He is bravely battling pneumonia, but in spite of his weakened condition he was in good spirits when we spoke. He had been greeting a steady stream of trick-or-treaters throughout the evening and had just finished watching Are You Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader? on television when we called. (He made certain we knew that he had passed the show with flying colors.) "

Now would be an excellent time to send a card or letter.

The address:

Forrest J Ackerman
4511 Russell Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90027

And, while I'm on the subject of Forry, get the latest ish of RUE MORGUE magazine. A portrait by FMOF artist Basil Gogos of the uncle of every Monster Kid is on the cover! The mag also features a long interview with the 4E, the original "imagi-movie" fan.

There is also plenty of other material on classic horror films, as well coverage (with photos) of very gory films. Should appeal across generational lines, if older, and/or conservative readers can past the grue.

You can find RUE MORGUE at Borders and at other bookstores, comic book shops, or you can order from their web site. (The link provided is for buyers in the US; if you live in another country, click here.)

Did you miss it?

Bet you didn't see my post for the Nov. 1, the Mexican Day of the Dead. Scroll down and see it or click here.

Halloween in a corner of Kosovo

I was lucky enough to receive an e-mail from my friend John M., a soldier serving now in Kososvo. John led an effort at the Universal Monster Army to have members there donate items for local children.

At the UMA, John had started the effort in August, first describing the area he served in. It sounded like something we monster-movie-lovers would be intrigued to see! (The following is culled from different comments by John.)

"Well kids, it's been fun out here. Lots of adventures....the ruins of Novo Brdo castle...looks like Castle Frankenstein. I also drive past a lot of huts that look like a blind shepherd lives in them. Very picturesque... At night you can hear the wolves howl.

"I have a cultural exchange program going on in various isolated villages and have set three goals for myself before I leave. First, I am teaching 'Dueling Banjos' to at least one musician in each area. They have these balalaika type instruments up here and I figure it will unnerve whoever comes to relieve me. Second, I want to teach the kids to recite the classic prose 'Even he who is pure of heart...etc. etc.' Finally, when the wolves DO howl, I'd like to teach them to say 'Ah, the children of the night. What music they make.'

"I was especially amused by one of the Polish officers I work with. He popped his head in the other night and said "Goot Eeevening..." My roommate said 'Who the hell was that, Count Chocula?' I about fell over laughing.

"Just to let you guys know what I'm doing, I am tasked with sensing what the local population is feeling about the social, political and financial climate. I go out with my team six days a week to meet with people and see what's up. Then I come back to base and submit a daily report about anything significant. I deal with poverty stricken farmers out in the country, beggars on the streets, wealthy business owners and Euro jetsetter, every social strata you can imagine. No overt danger as yet, although the roads get a little scary at times. Remember Harker's trip in the carriage to Castle Dracula? Been on THAT road. In an SUV with bad tires..."

Then, when Halloween loomed, he shared this:

"I learned Halloween is celebrated over here even though Kosovo is a mainly Muslim country. Seems they admire Americans so much they adopted the secular version of Halloween."

So members generously sent stuff for Halloween. John sent a message to several people about it.
Here, with his permission, is the e-mail I received from him and the accompanying photos:

"Hey Kids!

Just wanted to give you a glimpse of Halloween in my little corner of Kosovo.

"It was INSANE!
"We had well over 1000 people, the vast majority of them unaccompanied children, show up in front of the municipal theater and along the street. Imagine a large street event, like Mardi Gras or the Central West End Halloween Party in St. Louis, but with children instead of drunken adults. There were many creative costumes reflecting the culture and perceptions of American horror. Some were downright surreal and scary. Very effective use of makeup and scrap material. Attached are some photos.

"Anyway, the children started showing up around 5PM and milled about like some Tiny Town riot scene. Kids were throwing firecrackers, roving in packs like wild animals and howling and screaming for no apparent reason. I was thinking it was part Lord of the Flies and part Peter Pan Wildboys with a bit of Logan's Run thrown in. I had eight soldiers with me, and we had a hard time keeping ahold of our equipment, let alone maintain an authoritative presence. I finally hammered out a situation where we paraded the children in costume across the steps of the theater to applause. Then we split up into three groups and made our separate ways back to the trucks.

"The children kept hounding us for 'fotografia' and candy. I took a lot of pictures out of self-defense. We finally connected with our 'sponsored' children and teachers in a secluded area to hand out the treat bags we had assembled. Thanks to the generosity of fellow UMA members, folks from home and some of the troops over here, we were able to hand out 180 nicely done treat bags, along with some loose items for the deserving individuals we met along the way. Raymond's squishy heads did double duty as treats and therapy balls for the Handikos children (handicapped organization we sponsored and brought to the event). They LOVED them and it was amazing to see the looks in the kids' eyes. Candy, rubber bats, skull rings; this is what Halloween memories are made of...

"Anyway, thanks to all who sent stuff. The Halloween event went over well in spite of the anarchy. I swear I was stressed more last night than any other time during my mission so far. I had Iraq combat vets ready to break. Had to send two home early. Seriously. We laugh now, but it was pretty intense. LOL!

"Fangs A Lot!"

Thank you, John. I salute you!

Update: I received more pictures from John, showing some of the staff who packed the treats for the kids, some of the goodies given out, and a few pics showing the decor of the event. About the decor, John writes, "Here's pics of the chow hall entrance as decorated by some of the local Albanian Kosovars. The faces are sculpted dough for the most part, and some of the cats and rats are sculpted aluminum foil."

Here they are for you to get a post-Halloween kick out of!