Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Enter freely...

Welcome to the first blog ever created by a member of the bodiless minority! Yes, yours truly is a severed head, and one struggling with sobriety, at that. (It always keeps returning!) How I manage to go on without decomposing puzzles me, but I never learned to write music in the first place.

I keep busy. Being a devotee of moldy-oldie monster movies, I was given a chance to co-moderate a Yahoo! group known as The Universal Monster Army. This can sometimes be rough, especially when I can't find my full-body prosthetic. (You try typing with your mose sometime!) Ah, crap, see I just tpyed "mose" instead of "nose". I mean "typed". Oh, hell!

Well, now things are going a bit more smoothly. I've got my cat under my telepathic control, and it's typing for me! Faster than typing with my schnoz, anyway, except when it wants to play with the mouse!

If you spend time here with me, know that I'm going to talk about frightening films and monster items of all kinds quite often. And anything oddball that strikes my fancy. Please share your comments, cocktail ideas, spare change and links to all things off-kilter.



raycastile said...

I demand to see a photo of this typing cat. I cry foul! There is no keyboard, just a cat typing on a tabletop.

Famous Monster of Mpls said...

Greetings Max! Oh boy! This is going to be fun! A drunken severed head blog you say? Who could ask for more? By the way, you've inspired me to reopen the doors over at Castle Famous. Let's all blog like it's 1999! Yippee!

Best, Terry.
The Famous Monster of Minneapolis. http://castlefamous.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...


The Drunken Severed Head...how well I remember that fateful day in which this sad state befell you.

What? You don't?
Well, allow me to remind you...

It was during the bit of ridiculousness and silliness that was the fictional battle between Terry (the leader of the Universal Monster Army) and myself, Prof. Anton Griffin (Horror Host, Horror Historian, Emotional Touch Stone).

Based on the beast battle of the century, Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman, Max Cheney was cast in the role of Varsac, the barkeep...

As it transpired:

Meanwhile up by the dam, Max Cheney was drunk and struggling to position the dynamite. After drinking quite a bit, he had worked up enough courage to end the plague of these two monsters forever…. and he wanted to inherit the Monster Army! Muttering to himself…
“Griffin never returns my calls, Terry is always getting the better monster toys and flaunting it in my face…oh and then there’s the stupid Creature from the Black Lagoon trick, and oh my God will the Van Helsing thing EVER end?”

The explosion brought out the members of the army down below in Vasaria.
They stepped out of their homes, each one putting their Legacy DVD’s on pause and wandering out bleary eyed.
“What’s going on?”
“Where’s Max?” asked Creepy Jeepy
“He said he’d blow up the dam!” silently intoned Evillordskeletor.

(After more Terry vs. Griffin action, we got back to Max...)

Meanwhile Max Chaney had finally gotten his match lit and the fuse was sparked into life.
“Hehehe, the army will be mine! Mine! Mine! Hahahahah! Nothing but Monster Music downloads all day and night! Hehehehe!” But poor Max didn’t watch his footing and slipped. His body tumbled down the slope of the dam and landed with a sickening thud on a series of sharp rocks. His body was broken and battered and he couldn’t move. Looking up, he saw two small children approach.
“Hello Max.” The slightly older boy intoned quietly. “We’re the children from your short story…and we’re here to return the favor!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!” Screamed Max, as the children began to twist his head clean off.

(end of excerpt)

YIKES! What a way to go.
If you're curious about who those kids are...ask Max. In fact, those kids are mostly responsible for Max's disembodied condition...I'm surprised they don't get any mention.


LOve ya Max! I'll be checking in and reading your web log... to see what madness is cavorting around in that loose skull of yours!!!!

-Your friend,
Prof. Anton Griffin
(Fangoria TV)

Anonymous said...

It is very dark in here and the ceiling is rather low(even for me) and from the amount of debris in the corners I see the maid hasn't been in for a while either.
Nose typing? Do you also partake of Hawaiian Nose Humming?
I hope you and Jane are enjoying the box o' music I've lent you---there's some mighty fine movie soundtracks in there.
Today I've invaded another local library whislt waiting for me Mum to be done at the Herr Doktor's and so far I've put together a great deal of a jigsaw puzzle depicting a mountain meadow and got my official Internet Permission card to be "in ordnug" for this liberry(did you know that 8 out of 10 people mispronounced the word liberry?).
Are you dizzy from all the excitement I've just related to you? Heady stuff(pun intended).
Dreadful nice talking to you like this but I have two books awaiting my attention "The Aspiring Mind of the Elizabethan Younger Genration" and a nifty historical crime novel entitled "Dissolution".

"Meek"(Book 'em, Maxo!)

Craig said...

Yay, Max!!!

But MUST you dig up (-cough-)that tired old creature, Frankenstein's Monster? Like anyone gives a (owl) hoot about HIM anymore...

Very Beast Witches,

Anonymous said...

Maxo: So if the Monster is playing chess with Fritz why isn't there at least a dirty hand reaching out to move a piece from the other side of this photo? Hmmmn, maybe that's why Fritz got hung---he was cheating at chess and the Monster was a poor loser--will have to go back and inch forward frame by frame to see if I can find the chess board and chessmen scattered on the floor of the Monster's cell.
Talk about a cold case.

"Meek"(gets rooked often)


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