Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Crazy Christmas Carols: A daft dozen

Below are various mental disorders paired with the Christmas carols that best express them. (I think I've been to parties where these songs were sung by my best friends. At least, that's what the doctors said I remembered during the brain scans...)

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Amnesia --- I Don't Know If I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and...

6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells . . .

9. Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House

10. Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe

11. Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

12. Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate

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