Tuesday, November 13, 2007

The glass is half empty-- and fulla poison!

I was talking to a friend the other day who is somewhat cynical and misanthropic. He likes to play grump. So I told him that I was founding a holiday just for people like him called "National Curmudgeon's Day", and one of its traditions would be this exchange of holiday greetings:

"Happy Curmudgeon's Day!"

"F__k you!"

(Other suitable replies would be "Up yours!" and "Get lost!")

Anyone have dates they want to suggest for this new holiday? (Y'know, I think this is a possible marketing bonanza. Who wouldn't want to celebrate a holiday where you're expected to be at your grouchiest?)

At the Universal Monster Army group, we had something similar. After the film Van Helsing came out, there was so much vitriolic debate about the movie that Terry Ingram and I had to figure out some way, as moderators, to diffuse the situation. People were getting upset. So Terry declared that there would be ONE day of no moderation, where anyone could say anything, no-holds-barred. I dubbed it "Van Helsing Day" (man, am I imaginative!) and encouraged everyone to push the insults to historic extremes. I mean, say the most absolutely mean things you could about another member. And people did. It worked out the way I had hoped-- it was funny! And no one quit the group in a huff.

So if you're still reading this, I say, "Get bent, you time-wasting, mouthbreathing, pencil-necked, circus peanut-sucking Neanderthal!"

5 comments:

Wich2 said...

Max!

The Wife wants to be a charter member!

(More's the pity, for her hubby...)

-Craig W.

Rozum said...

The date should be sometime in October/November when all of the red CRABS have their mass migration across Christmas Island.

I always described my mother-in-law as not sinply being a "glass is half empty" kind of person, but more of a not only is the glass half empty but it's an ugly glass and it's not what she wanted to drink either.

harris smith said...

At my house, every day is Curmudgeon's Day...

Max the drunken severed head said...

Craig-- wish your wife a cheery "Get stuffed!" for me!

John-- ah, the Christmas crabs! I remember so well! I once got them sitting on Santa's lap!

Harris-- (pronounced "harrass", I presume?) Here's a bit o' sentiment just for you: I welcome you...to GO TO HELL!

I just LOVE the holidays!

Dave said...

I think Black Friday should be the special day. I worked retail off and on for 21 years. After working 21 Black Fridays for omore than 12 hours each time, you just about see all the Curmudgeonness you wanna see.

From grown women fighting over the last 2 TVs on sale, fist fights over Furbies, to customers shanking each other for breaking into the layaway line. You think you've seen just about every immature ass you're ever going to see. Then next Black Friday rolls around, and you're proven wrong.
Dave

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