1. Dan Antopolski - "Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?"
2. Paddy Lennox - "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'."
3. Sarah Millican - "I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they're up where they belong."
4. Zoe Lyons - "I went on a girls' night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill'. I went as Rose West."
5. Jack Whitehall - "I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."
I bet my readers could do better. There's one reader in Laval, Quebec I KNOW could do better!