Friday, October 14, 2011

Candy Corny


Watercolor art by Linda Miller.

Here's all the old, silly, just-for-kids Halloween jokes you could want in one blog post. Tell 'em to trick-or-treaters and you'll SLAY them!

What is Dracula's favorite place for climbing?
Mt. Kill-a-man-jaro.

What is Freddy Krueger's favorite food?
Cold cuts.

What sounds do two vampires make when they kiss?

What do you call a zombie that presses your doorbell?
A dead ringer!

How does a werewolf sign his letters?
Beast vicious!

How do you get to the monster's house?
Walk down the street, then turn fright at the dead end.

Baby Monster: Momma, can I eat my potatoes with my fingers?
Momma Monster: No, eat them separately!

How can you make a witch scratch?
Take away the 'w'!

What do mad doctors eat after dinner?

How do mummies disguise themselves?
They wear masking tape.

What did the ghost buy for his haunted house?
Home-moaner's insurance!

Monster #1: Am I late for dinner?
Monster #2: Yes, everyone's eaten.

Why did the giant monster bring a root beer to Pittsburgh?
To have something to wash it down with!

Where do werewolves go shopping?
The maul.

(From 991/2 Spooky Jokes, Riddles & Nonsense, written by Holly Kowitt. Scholastic, Inc.)

Found on the monster's bookshelf:

Dare You to Touch It, by Harry I. Ball

My Life As A Private Eye, by Sy Klopps

What Happened To The Cannibal's Friend? by I. A. Timm

* * * * * *

Pierre: Do monsters eat popcorn with their fingers?

Max: No, they eat the fingers separately.

Karswell: How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?

Trixie: Give him screws.

Kitty: What is the difference between a drunken severed head and a candy bar?

Zombos: People like candy bars!

Rozum: What kind of monster has the best hearing ?

Erick: The eeriest one!

Rattolle (a monster kid ): Mommy, can I leave the table?

Absinthe (a monster mom): Yes, I'll save it for you for later.

Zombos: Why don't skeletons play church music?

Lancifer: Because they don't have any organs!

Zombie Elvis: What's a mummy's favorite music?

Zombie Joplin: Ragtime.

Joke sources for this blog: The Silly Little Book of Monster Jokes, and the site Monster Jokes. Last three photos sent to me by Craig Wichman. Thanks, Craig!


Wings1295 said...

Well, that is a post full of Halloweenie fun! Love the puns, love the pics!

Lisa said...

G rated comedy can be the best! Thanks for the giggles!

Chris 'Frog Queen' Davis said...

Ah, that was fun....even if some of those jokes were a little painful! :D

And I personally, prefer you over a candy bar!


Jeremy [Retro] said...

Fringed the back to make our locks of hair;
The Jolly Hallowe'en Book 49
Painted eyebrows, mouth and cheeks,
Hair in funny bangs and streaks;
They were ready then for us to wear.
None Hke ours were ever seen
On a jolly Hallowe'en.
Oh, whoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo!
All so scarey and so queer,
We can celebrate this year
Just as all of us will want to do.

wich2 said...

Hey, those pics look familiar! (The puns, NO one would claim...)

(And happy All Saint's, dear Linda.)


Max the drunken severed head said...

Thanks everyone, for your comments!

Joe and Lisa, I'm lucky you stopped by--I enjoyed looking at your recent blog posts.

My dear Frog Queen, I will give you any candy bar you like if I am ever lucky enough to meet you and Jeff in the flesh.

iZombie, I think you're the first person to ever leave me a poem as a comment. So cool--thank you!

Craig--thank you mucho for the photos--I've have (slightly belatedly)credited you now in the post.

Happy Halloween all!

Jeremy [Retro] said...



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