Wednesday, August 5, 2009

My first blurb! My first blurb backlash!

The ol' crocked cranium is feeling proud, kids; you see, I've hit a kind of milestone. (Thunk!) For the first time, a quote of mine has been used as a blurb on an actual, physical product! (Yes, really!) I've been quoted on various websites before, but never have I had my words put on something for sale. Now, with the official dvd release of the micro-budget indy film The Landlord, some words of praise I gave the movie ("Funny and inventive. The laughs are daring and edgy." ) can be seen on the back, near the top.

Wow. In spite of everything I do here at this blog, someone actually respects my opinion! And enough to think it should be on something he expects people to buy! (I suppose it was inevitable. As standards of excellence in all areas of modern life generally get lower, my stock as an arbiter of taste just had to rise!)

My praise used on the packaging came from this review. It was qualified praise; I also called the film "low rent." But the movie made me laugh, and some of the actors impressed me. It has some amateurish flaws, but it beats many indie features for sale on Amazon by a large margin. It's a good start for its young producer- director-writer, Emil Hyde. (That's his real name, too--and a perfect one for a guy making horror movies.)

Also for the first time, I've been criticized for agreeing to be quoted on the dvd cover! (Man, was that fast.) Over at Freddy in Space, John Squire's fine horror review blog, The Landlord gets pasted as "a horror comedy without horror and without comedy." Okay, a legit opinion. But THEN FiS says,

"This is another one of those indy flicks that has been getting rave reviews from horror bloggers, several of them even plastered onto the DVD cover. And therein lies the problem. So many bloggers are so desperate to get their names on the covers of these indy horror movies that they will praise and suck them off whether they truly liked them or not."

There's a thirty-three-and-a-third percent chance Squires means me, since there are only three blogs quoted--Movie Cynics, Horror Yearbook and TDSH. (Can 3 be "several"?)

So I'm a desperate film fellator, eh, Mr. Squires? (Feh--the only thing that hits my tonsils is 90 proof.) That's funny, since none of the blogs quoted for blurbs gave the film unqualified praise, though Horror Yearbook was the most enthusiastic. In fact, out of the 14 reviews online, only a couple actually raved about the film. Most of the rest gave it a recommendation with some reservations; a couple didn't care for the film at all.

Freddy in Space knocks a reviewer who calls The Landlord "pure comedy gold." I couldn't find that line anywhere in any review. But FiS has a point about the review posted at Happy Horror.Com, a blog that describes itself as "the positive place for all things horror." (Oy boy, is it ever "positive"-- it might as well have a happy face in the logo.) Without referring to HH or anyone by name, Freddy in Space accuses the reviewer of dishonesty for saying the film has "amazing makeup and special effects." Squires has a point there. Happy Horror also enthusiastically gave the film "5 out of 5." Holy happy hyperbole! The Landlord isn't Citizen Kane! (It's more fun than Kane.)

But back to me, the shallow huckster. Of course my next goal will be my first infomercial! But I'd do one only for a product I truly believe in, like a ray gun that disintegrates people who are texting and driving.

The Landlord is now getting bookings on the festival circuit, but Emil Hyde tells me that you can go to and "order a promo copy right now--that's a special, direct link - you can't get that page from the main website." I recommend it.


Johnny said...

Hey Max. First i'd like to say congratulations on getting a quote of yours on a DVD cover, whether I dug the movie or not. And for the record, I was actually not referring to your quote when I said those things. I was referring to the quotes that are clearly praising the film way too much for the quality of movie that it is. I am actually a reader and fan of your blog and did not in any way intend to point the finger at you.

In my review, I stated :

"Now i'm not saying it's impossible for any human being out there to enjoy this movie and i'm sure some of those bloggers i'm referencing truly did like it, but I hardly think the dudes who called the flick "pure comic gold" or wrote that it had "some amazing makeup and special effects" were being entirely honest...."

"Pure comic gold"? (<--- this line is featured on the website) "Amazing makeup and special effects"? These quotes are CLEARLY suck off the director so you can get publicity quotes and those are the ones I was pointing fingers at. Notice how I didn't quote anything you said? And I certaintly never called you a "desperate film fellator"....

And by the way, I posted that stuff a few weeks back. Read my blog more often will ya ;)

Max the drunken severed head said...

Hey, Johnny! Thanks for the comment!

You're making fine distinctions here and showing the subtler points of your critical comments, and being friendly. Don't you know the internet is for meant for snark painted with a wide brush and for heightening conflict? How can I get a row with you started if you're gonna be like that?

Any excuse to use the term "desperate film fellator" is worth it, pal!


Johnny said...

Glad there's no hard feelings for the negative comments I made that weren't directed towards you ;)

Brian D. Horrorwitz said...

Hey Max! I had my first blurb-on-a-dvd-box recently too! Maybe you and I can start an elite club only for guys who's blurbs get quoted on DVD boxes? Can we? Please? It will give me some kind of gratification in my boring life, increasing my ego from frozen pea size to cooked pea size. C'mon, let's do it! We'll have our own secret handshake and everything! Whaddya say?

Max the drunken severed head said...

I have a secret handshake ready, but you have to be double-jointed...

Brian D. Horrorwitz said...

Double jointed? I never touch the stuff.

The Vocabulariast said...

The Vocabulariast here. I dig your blog Mr. Severed head... and the fact that even though you have no body you manage to be drunk. It's funny how some people get so caught up in what other critics think... which basically means to me that the person you're talking about had (or has) very little original to say about the film in the first place. When I first started talking about movies and reviewing them, I myself concerned myself with what other people thought. Now I don't give a drunken shit because I know that I write reviews for people... not other critics. So this guy, by referencing other critics, has in fact set them up as more of a authority than himself... so take comfort in that.

Steve Miller said...

I've been quoted on a handful of DVD covers, but I've seen anyone bitching about that fact.

I wish I had. I'd wear it as a badge of honor.

I, sir, am jealous!

Max the drunken severed head said...

Thanks for posting a comment. But don't be too jealous--when the film was picked up by a new distributor, my quote on the back was replaced by someone more famous!

If I'd only won a Rondo a year earlier...


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